I am a single parent with a physical disability. Whilst I can get about and turn my hand to most things I am classed as being fairly severely disabled, although I don’t class myself as so. But like most disabled people I have found ways to ensure my life continues as any other ‘normal’ persons and my children do not become my carer.
I am a mother to twins, one girl (bossy boots) and one boy (mummy’s little angel-MLA) who has a mentally disability as well as having my genetic disorder which if not managed correctly could turn into a physical disability. I currently have no diagnoses for my son , despite battling for 10 years now to get one. I have been told for years by doctors he definitely does not have an autistic spectrum disorder, but they have now decided he probably does…and people wonder why I feel like hitting my head against the virtual wall!
On top of this I have had to deal with the continuous failings of the education system in first England and now in Scotland who seem incapable of excepting that my son has non violent behaviours problems that are not only involuntary but also he feels ‘compelled’ to do at times. Instead of using strategies given to them by not only myself but his professional, and qualified, medical back up team, they fuel his rage and anxieties until he ends up having full blown tantrums and crying uncontrollably. He has, at the age of 11, been reduced at times to wetting himself in public due to the treatment shown to him at times. He has been bullied throughout his Primary education, and unfortunately not just by other pupils!
Yes some teachers do bully children and often gain great delight and power in doing so.
I have taken upon myself, well no one else will do it, to ensure he has a very good team of professionals and he currently has a paediatric doctor, speech and language therapist, and occupational therapist. All these are because I have been to his, very good and understanding, GP who has referred him immediately. The school? Oh they arranged his Educational Psychiatrist, only after I kept on at them!
So why am I writing this blog if I seem to have everything under control?
Simple I am growing weary of the continuous battle with the education system and need a place to rant!
Unfortunately I am not alone in this battle against a system that is uncooperative. I am also dismayed that the government has seen fit to disband schools designed for children like my son and chuck them into mainstream education with teachers who have no specialised training with children with extra educational needs, because of choice or it it’s not unavailable. The situation is unworkable and it’s the children, who are extremely vulnerable, who are the ones suffering and the parents classed as being uncooperative, aggressive and unable to effectively parent their children!
[...] A brief background into the reasons for this blog [...]
By: Time to kick a*se! « A gift from god on October 29, 2007
at 1:06 pm
I really feel for you and wish you all the very best – keep fighting! My oldest son had global development delays and rather than not getting enough help – we were almost forced to go into just about every kind of therapy going and when we slowly stopped going as we didn’t feel he needed it any longer we were totally bullied until we actually moved out the area. A lot of these people can be a total nightmare but every now and then you’ll find a total diamond who will light the way for you – I really hope you find that person or people soon! K xx
By: beanpip on February 25, 2008
at 2:03 pm
I’m here, and understand, and hope to visit your blog more in the future. Not a lot of focus is on the parents, and maybe that sounds selfish of me, but if we have people piling on us, how can we do what is best for our ‘little angels’?
By: kibblesbits on May 9, 2008
at 4:13 pm
Hi – I caught your link from downthelane.net
I am a teacher, who teaches 160 children a day in classes of 32 and with that ratio I’m afraid the children have to conform to very strict and disciplined behaviour strategies and demands. No matter what their disability they have to behave or the rest can’t learn. So, there is another side to the educations system. Inclusion does not always work and children with a variety of problems need: very small classes, sometimes teaching one-to-one, an environment where they can have less stress, where they can take time to be quiet or rest, to eat or sleep when they need to. As you can imagine that all costs money and there is the nub of the matter. There is not enough money for education for anything but mainstream so children like your son has to go to school, where there are 32 in a class and all children have to behave in ‘mould-like’ conformity or not be in that school You need to moan to those who fund education and not the educator. Education authorities have a duty of care to your son, however central governement will not fund education adequately. Moan about them and remember the teachers can not change the system they have to work in.
By: jane on November 29, 2008
at 7:07 pm
Well Jane when you are talking about classes that only have 9 pupils, yes 9, in them and the teacher still can not cope or even acknowledge your child needs extra support there is good reason to moan at said teacher!
I have also complained to my MSP, the council and uncle Tom Cobbler and all and it all goes back to if the school/teacher does not state there is a problem then they are powerless and the school will not acknowledge there is problem until there is a firm diagnoses and that takes time and may not be available. Of course the teacher will not state their is a problem because at the end of the day it knocks the schools/teachers league table points down!
I also assume you are referring to Secondary schooling, which is completely and utterly different here in Scotland. They immediately identified within 1 min of an interview with MLA that has SEVERE difficulties and WILL require one to one the entire duration of school time plus personalised taxi to and from home with an escort. They identified he WOULD NOT be able to play outside at break or lunch time as he would be bullied or lead a stray or worse. They also acknowledged he SHOULD NOT be in main stream education but the the special needs school was to low in intellect for him which means the only other state school was for educational behaviour problems which would be highly unsuitable for him
They agreed home education was the only way.
Primary school here felt MLA was just a bad boy!
By: mummys little angel on November 29, 2008
at 7:24 pm
Oh and one other thing, and I am not having a ‘pop’ at you but can I suggest that you make contact with your local Home Ed group and listen to the ‘stories’ from other parents, it will really open your eyes to what is happening in the education system and to mainly special needs children who have the choice of main stream or nothing. They will make your toes curl with horror!
The emotional scars on these children, and parents, is unbelievable and none have anything to do with funding etc but pure bullying by the teachers the children had i.e one severely dyspraxic girl was humiliated every day and made to stand in font of the entire class whilst her teacher told all the other children ‘this is how NOT to write etc and ‘Isn’t X thick and stupid?’ When her mother challenged this she was reported to child protection for having Münchhausen by proxy and investigated by social services, who found no evidence or case. As nothing was found the school then ensured this allegation was put on her sons records at his special needs school, who fortunately challenged it. The child in question was at that time was the grand age of 7!
One teacher could have ruined this families lives for ever. Why? Because her mother stood her ground and challenged the school.
I have a similar story, but sort legal protection immediately and got all allegations against me dropped.
MLA was moved permanently to the ‘punishment table’ in one school despite the ed phsyc and SALT complaining bitterly about this. The later being on the phone for an hour, in her own personal time, to the head teacher and making a formal complaint about her. He was only removed after I as a parent became very vocal and they wanted me to shut up. His crime? He asked a question because he failed to understand what was happening. I could list more instances, but there is not enough room.
By: mummys little angel on November 29, 2008
at 8:06 pm
The stories you are relating would lead to any teaching being instantly dismissed for gross misconduct and a school with a ‘punishment table’ being shut down. As for any teacher getting away with calling a child ‘thick’ or stupid’ equally instant dismisal would result from gross misconduct as breach of code of conduct. I’m not sure where these teachers are or how they are getting away with it. Any school can be complained about however with nine in a class or 32 children have to behave or the class can’t be taught, if the child has a disability where they can’t behave such as Aspergers then the mainstream system can’t cope. I am an intellectual who wishes to share her learning with others, I am not a pyschiatric nurse nor do I want to be. I don’t want to manage disabilities, or behavioural traits whether learned or inherent; I just want to teach. Children must be calm, quiet and obsequious in secondary for the wheels to turn effectively. I repeat – mainstream is not the best place for all children – it’s not a matter or teachers not coping – it’s not our job to cope with behaviour but to teach.
By: jane on November 29, 2008
at 9:59 pm
That’s the crux of the matter up here, too many teachers getting away with treating children in disgraceful ways. I could tell you dozens of examples of this, and that’s just MLA, ranging from name calling by a head teacher to being isolated because he has difficulty using a knife and fork and therefore a messy eater. They may have well just put the ‘D’ dunce hat on him!
In Scotland it’s main stream education and that’s it….there are no ‘special needs children in Scotland’ as Learning Support in the secondary school told me. There is no choice for these children. So if main stream is not the best place for these children, and I agree it is not always the best place, where do they go? If the parents can’t home educate, who educates them? They are the abandoned children, the children the education system and schools have abandoned.
And yes I do agree it is not the teachers job to cope with the oddities of behaviour these children has but it is also not their job to ridicule and punish these child because of their disability. They refuse to acknowledge the child is in need of assistance on paper so how can the child receive assistance even if funding were available? They also refuse to acknowledge to a consultant, when asked, there is a problem and that has meant in MLA case it has taken nearly 8 years to start the ball rolling for a diagnoses and of course who does the consultant believe? Not the parents that’s for sure because we are only dumb arses idiots who have not been trained in teaching and therefore have no idea what we are talking about with our children…yes that has been said to me in not so many words, by the school.
Why is he getting help now, because the last consultant and this one have got wise to schools tactic of deflecting them and under stating a child’s difficulties and stood up and said YOU ARE TALKING A LOAD OF……..
His Occupational Health Therapist had to force entry to the school, twice and even then her equipment to help was ignored. Who refused her entry? His teacher! The last school meeting the SALT banged the table with her fist she was so angry at the refusal to do even the simplest thing of using a social story. That’s not funding, that’s the school and teachers being pig headed!
I have had a head teacher tell me to drop MLA professional back up team because his problems were all because of me!
A friend of mine is an English teacher in a secondary school. They do things properly. Children with difficulties receive help, even if they don’t have one to one help or even two to one. She can call on help when she requires because the child has a need, and a right. But that is the exception and not the norm. Most schools up here will bully or expel children who are in need of help.
The children should not be the teacher’s protest to the power that be that inclusion is not working, but too often it is.
As for not behaving in main stream because they have Aspergers, tosh! It’s not a case of not ‘behaving’. The child has no realisation of what so called normal social behaviour, and it takes years to teach them and it needs to be taught sympathetically and with kid gloves. They not ‘bad’ children, they are genuine miss understood children. They can not process too much information at once, it confuses them and therefore leads to unwanted behaviour because they don’t know how to cope with the situation. Instead of punishment the ADULT needs to realise they need to approach the child differently, but it rarely happens up here.
Here’s another example. MLA has difficulty using a pencil so ed physc, OT and SALT said he must use a computer to aid him and he is also extremely intelligent and the lack of written work hinder him. Has ever been allowed to by the teachers? Not on your Nelly!
But he was punished for not producing written work and made to stay in at break times to finish his work.
Now in your school you may not have encountered such behaviour from so called educators, but I see dozens and dozens of emails from new home educators that are every month up here, all saying the same things…punishment, exclusion, ridicule, name calling, ostracising, alienation and as a side lack of funding. We can all understand lack of funding but not an adult bullying a vulnerable child.
Incidentally one of the children’s mother at MLA’s home ed group was a teacher and to quote her
‘X wasn’t so aggressive before she went to school. School made her this way because she is so afraid of failure thanks to her teacher who would punish her for failing’.
‘School made her this way’
By: mummys little angel on November 29, 2008
at 11:18 pm
I like when you talk about this type of stuff in your blog. Perhaps could you continue this?
By: tales of pirates demonic world on December 10, 2010
at 2:10 am